Lock Up My “Favorite Toy?” Why Would I Do That?

Chastity, voluntarily refraining from sexual activity, is easy, right? As a former First Lady of the US said, “Just say no.”

We all know how well that works. Ask the man who swore he’d not stray while on a business trip. Or a horny woman whose lover confesses to temporary impotence because he “took matters into his own hands.”

Let’s face it. All men need help with sexual self-control once in a while. But pure willpower, besides being ineffective, is no fun! However, device-controlled sexuality for men is growing in popularity because it is fun. The submissive partner accepts the restraint from the dominant Keyholder, so named because that’s who controls the key.

Chastity as Submission

We’re all men, the privileged sex in our society. All men — het , gay, bi, transgendered — possess the key to greater respect, to better paychecks and to deference from others: a penis.

Well, we know better than that. We tend to think with our “lower head.” Many of us allow our sexual drive to overcome our judgment. If you’re in a loving relationship, you may wish to give your lover a tangible indication of your devotion and willingly yield to chastity.

For these or countless other reasons, a privileged male voluntarily yielding control of his cock, and therefore his entire sexual being, to his Keyholder is a poignant and emotionally moving act of submission.

There remains no question of your devotion after offering your lover the keys to your sexuality. The act of submission cements the roles in the relationship and reinforces the relative strengths of your personalities.

Submissive men and their dominant partners often find being “locked in,” with their different roles clearly defined, deeply fulfilling. Chances are you and your partner will, too. Submit to your Keyholder to fully experience submission.

Chastity for Men is Fun — Truly!

A quality cage provides both partners a visible, physical representation of their deep personal and sexual bond. It says wordlessly, “I yield a key part of my identity, my sexuality, to you.” This power exchange, in one form or another, lies at the heart of any Keyholder/submissive relationship.

Symbolic acts are fine, you might say, but that’s my dick. I’m used to using it how I want, when I want. What’s the fun in locking it up?

A fair question. Imagine…

Locked safely away, you embrace and kiss the one you love, your Keyholder. You receive an enthusiastic response. Naturally, you swell in response…but only so far! Your cage prevents full growth. You whisper, “Release, please?”

Your lover gently denies you, but assertively intensifies your foreplay. Pressure inside increases as your desire grows. You’ll do whatever your Keyholder requires to gain release. You love your Keyholder and demonstrate your devotion all day, performing everything from small favors to giving orgasms, asking nothing in return.

In the exchange, your Keyholder cherishes your thoughtfulness and submission. Pleased that you give so much of yourself, the Keyholder tempts you with words and serious cockteasing.

What’s your reward for all this self-denial? Every couple is different, but there are common elements. You feel secure, knowing your Keyholder accepts you and appreciates your sacrifice. When you finally earn release, your erotic sensibility, so long denied, is all the greater. And the orgasms!!!! All men know the fantastic pleasure bordering on pain when long-denied blue balls erupt. Yield to your Keyholder to enhance your pleasure as well!

Chastity’s Growing Popularity

Like so many once-taboo subjects, physically restraining penises came out of the bedroom and into the living room and even to the public square with the growth of the internet. Just like other sexual minorities, keeping men faithful originated in the mist of time. Factual data doesn’t exist and accounts are difficult to come by— neither “The Pearl” nor “My Secret Life, ” Edwardian tales of sexual abandon, mention the topic.

However, one British manufacturer began selling custom belts in 1956. Blogs on the subject have been around since the beginning of blogging. Now, if you Google “male chastity,” you’ll see personal blogs, websites, manufacturer’s sites, Amazon and other sales sites.

All this activity, as well as the variety of styles and variations of available chastity toys, shows the growing popularity of preventing erections. Why has locking one’s dick away becoming more common?


Many men, when stressed, gain relief through fantasies and masturbation for such long periods their responsibilities go by the wayside. Such a guy, even if he lives alone, might arrange for a Keyholder to grant release on a schedule or upon performance of certain tasks. Since the man can’t touch his dick, he turns to more productive tasks. When he finally earns a release, he feels pride for accepting control, pride in what he accomplished and enjoys the strong sensations that follow release after prolonged sexual denial.

Ensure Sexual Readiness

It’s so easy to play with your cock. A few minutes alone and an active imagination is all you need.

However, ill-timed self-pleasure can lead to stress in a relationship. “You’d rather play with yourself than with me?” thunders a frustrated Keyholder-to-be, who initiated sex only to find a limp dick. Soon, a package arrives in the mail and the problem shrinks — and stays shrunk until allowed to grow for the Keyholder’s pleasure.


A caged dick can’t fuck. It’s as simple as that. Whether your Keyholder has reason to be concerned that you’ll stray or not, you’ll both feel secure in your commitment. For example, a wife may teasingly lock her husband away when he leaves town on business. “I know about those girls at conferences,” she teases. For them, caging the cock is a game both win, with fantastic sex upon his return.

Chastity Games

Most men wearing a restraint play some kind of game or role. Many such games are short term, others last months or even years. We have suggestions to give you and your Keyholder ideas to make up your own games.

Male Chastity Games

Locking your cock away has an ominous feel. Images arise of man-hating, leather clad dominatrixes forcing hapless guys into a painful and humiliating device. Seldom, if ever, this happens. Instead, most couples play a delightful game with rules. The rules may be one-sided, all for the Keyholder. There may be an exchange or schedule. Common elements include the supremacy of the Keyholder, the caged man’s submission, and conditions for releases. Games may last for a few hours to weeks, months and years. The game can be used as a motivator to modify undesired behavior or in erotic humiliation role plays or as a lifestyle choice lasting years. Occasionally, errant men are locked away as a punishment.

Here are a few common chastity games and variations for you and your Keyholder to adapt to your own unique relationship. Many chastity games begin with a contract. You may wish to employ one of several chastity themes as part of your play. Finally, chastity rewards can be used to help change real-life behaviors.


Many couples write the rules of their game, taking delight in adapting legalese to the erotic whims of your Keyholder. Many couples take pride in their contracts, making them available on the web. Have fun and search. You’ll get plenty of ideas. For example, here is a simple, one-sided, contract:

Sally’s & Rick’s chastity contract

Rule number one: Sally, the Keyholder, always gets what she wants from Rick.
Rule number two, dispute resolution: See rule number one.

However, it’s much more fun to create elaborate contracts. Three common ways for the caged man to earn release are random, performance and scheduled.

Random Release

Under a random release contract, neither partner knows when the submissive will be released. The Keyholder, naturally, is never denied and the submissive may well have a sore jaw. Random contracts can be as simple as rolling a die or spinning a spinner, hoping to get the lucky number. More complex contracts take many forms. For example, after the sub enjoys a release, he rolls again to see how many days must elapse before he can try for his next release. Or the sub may roll once to earn a release, and if a release is earned, roll again find out the method of his release. For example, roll of one might deny the release entirely, a roll of two allows masturbation, three, a foot job, four a hand job, five oral and six jackpot! Full sex!

As always, the variations are limited only by your and your Keyholder’s imagination.

Performance Release

In a performance release contract, neither partner knows when the release will occur and the sub has an incentive to perform the tasks in the contract. A wife published an excellent example of this type of contract years ago on a now-defunct bulletin board managed by Altairboy.

Her Chastity Points Contract listed tasks with corresponding points. When her hubby performed enough tasks to earn a specified number of points, he earned the corresponding release. Tasks ranged from taking out the trash for 1 point to giving the wife an orgasm for five points. Methods of release ranged from masturbation to intercourse.

Many chastity contracts state the rules are arbited by the Keyholder. If the wife in the points contract found her husband spent all day licking her, but never took out the trash until the place stank, she could switch things around and have him earn five points for taking out the trash (but only a full dustbin!), and one for licking.

Scheduled Releases

Often used in real or mock punishment or behavior change scenarios, the caged submissive knows he may earn a release after a specified time by performing the desired behavior. In such a game, the submissive often has no idea whether he’s earned a release until his Keyholder reviews his recent behavior. As a method of controlling a male’s errant behavior, this is a powerful tool. Men who need this level of control ought to show gratitude to their Keyholder.

Getting Real: Behavior Change Through Chastity

A man whose cock is locked away is very susceptible to a reward/punishment regime. Virtually any undesired behavior modified by depriving the male of access to his cock when he misbehaves and by allowing sexual relief when he performs the desired behavior or refrains from the forbidden behavior for specified periods, usually expressed in the contract.

Note: It is essential that participation in any chastity activity meant to alter someone’s behavior be fully consensual for both parties. This applies not only to male chastity for changing behavior, but male chastity purely as punishment. All sexual activity and all restraining activity must be consensual.

As an example, imagine a male who wishes to stop smoking. His Keyholder can lock them up and then grant him periods of relief for example, once a week, with longer periods of relief and/or greater methods of gratification possible. The Keyholder in such a case must be prepared to deal with an increasingly horny partner experiencing withdrawal at the same time!

A contract like that uses chastity indirectly; sexual activity is withheld to modify a nonsexual behavior. Chastity can also be used to modify sexual behavior within the relationship. Two common relational difficulties where chastity can help our chronic masturbation and premature ejaculation.

Chronic Masturbation

Chronic masturbation is defined by your Keyholder; that’s who decides what is too much. A secure, comfortable chastity cage such as any BON4 product, provides your Keyholder with confidence in your obedience. Furthermore, you can relax, knowing your obedience is assured. Though it’s seldom discussed, we all instinctively know that the pleasure of masturbation is different from the pleasure of sexual relations with the partner you adore. Fantasy is different from reality, after all. Your Keyholder may, if you present your case well enough, allow masturbation as an earned privilege.

Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation can be greatly helped over time by the judicious use of a chastity device. Most cases of premature ejaculation do not have a medical or physical cause; those who question this may visit their urologist for confirmation.

Premature ejaculation is almost always a learned, practiced, selfish behavior worthy of punishment in any dominant/submissive relationship. As a lad, you learn how good everything felt and couldn’t wait to get to the best part. Most males realize their own and their partners’ pleasure is increased by sexual endurance; you, a premature ejaculator, remained immature, never taking this obvious step.

Your Keyholder determines your fate. A program of male chastity, however, may well provide retraining and long-term relief from the learned condition. The immature male is stimulated short of ejaculation repeatedly, for longer and longer periods.

Like any male in chastity, a premature ejaculator’s desire and frustration increases. Once your program begins, your Keyholder may release you and allow or provide manual or other stimulation. A practical standard is the emission of pre-cum, or edging. When this degree of arousal is reached, the Keyholder withdraws stimulation, you are required to remove the emission, perhaps licking your fingers clean. Then, according to the Keyholder’s program, you may go back into your cock cage or the stimulation may be resumed. Orgasm and ejaculation are denied. Failures earn punishment. Good behavior, defined by the Keyholder, earns a new training session. Training sessions can be timed and the number of edges recorded in a spreadsheet. Goals can be set, rewards administered. The type of stimulation can be progressively increased: masturbation, manual stimulation by the Keyholder, oral stimulation. Your Keyholder will know the best order of increasing stimulation in your case.

Such a program, over time, will very likely retrain your impatient cock to be of much more use to your Keyholder.

Themes for Chastity Games

Whatever the nature of your contract or other arrangement, your Keyholder may enjoy some of these pleasures.

Tease and Denial

A locked dick is always denied pleasure, but your Keyholder can make things delightfully more frustrating. A wife can wear sexy outfits, lift her hemline, adjust her stocking, bend forward to display cleavage, act slutty in public, all to enhance your desire and frustration. Or your man might idly drum his fingertips on your cage, musing, “If I let you out of this cage, I could give you a blowjob. Tell me how much you’d like me to.”

In either case, the caged man’s desire and frustration rise to new heights along with the Keyholder’s heady feeling of power and control.

Erotic Humiliation & Punishment

Erotic humiliation, in which the caged man is belittled for such shortcomings as small penis size and sexual performance is gaining popularity, shown by many new sites devoted to Clothed Female, Nude Male (CFNM) sites on the web. Derision is often an aspect of tease and denial or of genuine punishment.

Among the most profound expressions of erotic humiliation is cuckolding, in which the caged male is found to be totally inadequate and the Keyholder takes other lovers. A particularly poignant expression of the cuckold’s shame and the paradoxical wild arousal he feels is “cuckold’s tears,” pre-come or semen leaking from the poor guys cage without an erection, let alone orgasm.

Several couples adopt long-term regimes as a lifestyle choice or as a punishment for male misdeeds like adultery. Cages may be worn for months and the punished male restrained for cleaning. In extreme cases, the punished male is told he will never again touch or use his cock for anything but urination. Such more serious chastity games for behavior change deserve their own page.

What Game Does Your Keyholder Prefer?

This brief overview gives some ways people can enjoy chastity. Remember, your Keyholder’s needs come first and all should be consensual, whether for bedroom games or a lifestyle. The games we’ve discussed can be combined in an infinite number of ways. We at BON4 wish you the best in your adventures. If you have questions or a story to share, email us at contact@malechastity.com.

Training for Long-term Chastity

When your Keyholder decides you must be kept locked away for more than a few days, be sure to thank them and indicate your acceptance of their wisdom.
In such cases, you’ll need to be certain your body and cage combination is ready for an extended ordeal.

Incremental Trials

With long-term chastity comes a greater possibility of pinching and chafing. While pinching is merely uncomfortable and can usually be relieved with an adjustment, chafing can lead to open sores and must be avoided.

To be certain you’re ready for extended periods caged, gradually add time between releases. Report any discomfort you cannot relieve by adjustment to your Keyholder immediately.

In release to check your condition, sexual stimulation may not be allowed. Your Keyholder may choose to restrain you for insurance. Carefully inspect your penis for any sign of friction such as localized redness or pain. Very carefully examine the entire area encased by the ring — the top and sides of the shaft where it meets your torso and the underside and back of your scrotum. If there is redness, pain or an open sore, do not replace the cage until the condition has been alleviated.

Hotspots and Chafing: What to Do

Application of olive oil or moisturizers to the area of the cock and ball ring (CBR) can help prevent pinching and hotspots, extending your period inside.

For redness or hotspots, moisturizers or lotions and a few hours free may be enough. A lotion with aloe vera may be helpful as well. Your Keyholder will determine effective alternate restraints or limits on your behavior during these releases.

A hotspot that remains too long may develop into a sore. If it merely feels hot and damp, talcum or baby powder can help. Talcum powder with menthol provides immediate relief, though it may not shorten the healing time. Do not replace the CBR until several hours after the effects disappear.

Sores that do not heal in this way require medical consultation. Do not delay in such cases.

With the care outlined here, you can extend your periods in chastity. You will please your Keyholder with longer and longer stretches in chastity.

Please Lock Me Up — Enlisting a Keyholder

Male chastity fiction often follows a typical pattern: an indignant or angry partner (usually a wife) puts her lover in chastity under threats. Such fantasies may gratify wannabes, but seldom reflect reality.

More often, the man asks his partner to restrain him, to become his Keyholder. Why should this be?

Any male understands better than anyone else how his sexual vigor may get him in deep trouble. A man committed to a relationship but with a roving eye may ask his partner to control him. Another may relieve himself and be sexually unavailable for a time. Whatever the reason, asking your partner to lock your cock away is never easy.

Some men wait for external events to create an opening, a news story or incident among friends. Others blurt out their desire without preparation. These approaches are unlikely to succeed.

Instead, once you recognize your need for chastity, thoughtfully plan how to raise the subject. You’ll know best whether to present the idea as a gift demonstrating your devotion, a solution to a problem you both recognize, or even as a punishment for specific behaviors. Focus on your partner’s feelings, not your desires.

Defining the reason for chastity may not be enough. The timing and your specific approach can be critical. Here are some general suggestions. Adapt them to your own situation.

If there’s a specific, known issue such as premature ejaculation, don’t bring it up immediately after yet another unsatisfactory sexual performance. Wait until you’re both relaxed and you’ve performed some non-sexual services your lover enjoys. Acknowledge how you behavior disappoints your partner and speculate (if you don’t already know) about the feelings your lover experiences. Ask if they need to express other feelings to you. Only then, and briefly, mention how badly you feel about your behavior. If you get a positive response, then ask if they’re interested in a possible solution. If so, now bring up chastity.

If you have nothing to feel apologetic about, we recommend opening the conversation after bringing your partner into a receptive mood as we said above. Describe your feelings of devotion or your occasional out-of-control feelings. The important thing is to begin with your genuine feelings and describe how you feel the gift of your sexuality, expressed in a chastity device and chastity games, might enhance your relationship. Be absolutely honest. This is not the time for a hidden agenda.

It’s most likely your lover and future Keyholder will be intrigued and want to explore more. Encourage them to explore their own reactions over time and be ready to answer any questions.

Respectful, partner-centered approaches like these are more likely to receive a positive response.

BON4M for those serious about male chastity